My wishes..

:) quite difficult to say in the way people could understand. I want every my wishes to be get done as my touch, because I want it in that "specific" way and of course there has many many reason why I want to be like that nor things have to be done in that way. My one of best friend told me that I am an idealistic person, I denied. I never agreed at all. I thought I was broad and wise minded but in few matters I have noticed, I being so stubborn and adamant to agree the fact is different from my view or has changed from the fact that I known. I want my things to be done in that "specific" way I wanted to be and never wanted to change my mentality. Well I would say this is not healthy. I aware of it, certainly. I thought I was facing problem because of others doing. I never hesitate to confess my faults or weakness to anyone. Now I felt different kind that I am the one who suppose culpable whenever things went wrong. It's so hard to overcome. I realized all starts from me. So I decided to not talk much; to avoid further problems. But will people got me in right way? I hurt many people. Especially someone who very closed to me. I being so touchy now a days. Most of time I try not to talk back ( a day before my brother told the same according numerology) nor talk within me to avoid problems. But somehow I spelled some words out. I ran out of time to regret why I have done that. I go mad whenever problems arise. No one will stand in this situation. He stands. Don't know how long. We always have quarrels because of this. I react like stranger because I afraid to tell what is running in my mind. I can't adapt everything he tells. I couldn't follow his foot step instead I was very obedient :) I have to change or else I need to walk off in the way I wanted to be. Things has changed. I don't prefer any changes my life unless better improvements.

********just a script********
**this is confession of a girl, in her diary**

Love..

I don't know what is this.. People has already gave thousand many example for this love. For me, it's just another emotion like anger, jealous, happy, moody and etc. I would say this love worse than other feeling. My life tremendously turned to new world. My dreams was sweet, colourful, abnormal, make me feel like the top of the world. I had wonderful feelings for him. As I know love is trust. I don't know about sweet talk, pamper, empty promises. What I know, I belief him. He treats me good. Like a princess? That was very new for me. He cared for me. Something I never felt before very closely. But he walk away from the I feeling I had for him. He was everything to me. But I don't find the closeness. He hides many from me. I tried to convince myself as nothing is there. He told people he never love me. I tried to forget things. He said I shouldn't hope for him. I tried to not hope for him. He was not ready to spend time with me. I tried to not ask anything. I cried and try to read my lines again. I decided to not bug him anymore. Now things changing to good which I don't prefer. Why this love came to me and now controlling my mind as an evil? Well I know what I want. I can't stand with this again. Yes I need to move on with my own life without him but there's something don't let me go on as I am. What was that? He's love or the way he cared for me? But I aware that was not truth but that's sweet. I wanted to tell him straight of, I don't want to be with him. I want to be alone!!! But when I starts think back, the way I lived with him I can't believe I living in fake?! That was so realistic.. He acts good? No he never act. He being himself. I knew that. I noticed he never has feeling for me and seeing me just like another woman. But I was pretending like I understand him well. That was too bitter.. After all I realized onething I would not be happy without him but something strikes to mind, I will be peace without him. But I knew I just console myself by telling that I aware I will lose the peace too. I knew I will think again and again about him.. Us.. The time we had together. It's heals everything. Like now? Yes.. I feel I am the luckiest girl. Memories never dies. That's true. Now I wishing him. Oh my god.. This called love?! I knew within a minutes I will think again the hard times I went thru. I wish I don't want to think about it anymore. I love to feel the way I am. I like to love him.. Let me in this way...


by,
A girl who lost in love..

***just a script**
p/s if nice thts gud, if touched thts better bt if its make you confuse THEN REMEMBER I AM NT THT GIRRRLLLLL!!!

Things..

I don't know what else bothering me so much. I have no hints to find it out. I felt I lost somewhere. I can't (couldn't) explain how about the thingy as I am the one who caused for it. I knew, I disturbed because of me, of course yes. Here no one I should blame. I thought I am strong enough to face everything and everyone. But I am just another loser like every girls do. I messed everything because of my thoughts which not suppose arise. I felt myself as a caused for each and every single things went wrong. Yes I knew, I suffering all because of my own attitudes. I can't act more. I felt like I need to end this but I found there's no way for it. As I knew I ran out of time. Don't know where to attain the happiness that I lost within a second just like a magic? I was like the another lady, in the world and I don't think that anyone having problem similar like me? I believe there's lot of people having problem of course because of their own stupidity but I am so sure there's no one unwilling to correct it. But I couldn't correct it. I heard from people that ladies very good in forgiving and forgetting things as they too soft for them to take so God request them to wipe it thru their tears and make them strong, will ask them to go on whenever they facing problems or trouble. But my God cruel because He let me cry over and over but never teach me to forgive and forgets things. Why I can't concentrate other than in the one I lose? I have no strenght and wonders why me all the time need to read lines. Why I cannot just walk off? I tired of spelling I can't I won't I don't

Things make me think wise ... Hope for the best..

by,
A girl who lost in War

About me..

I am complete easy going person who never care about the minute of her life... For me, everything possible, everything perfect, everything good, everything nice, everything all can be healed ( mind you, even I could say a cancer patient will be cured ).. I don't know why on earth I having this kinda easy-going mentality.. Yet, I know I am happy all because of this attitude..

I like everything in brown, chocolate, colour. Don't ask me, what kinda taste is this.. You will love it if you are with me.. Lot of my friend who become addict of brown because of me..

I love books, mind you I said books not library.. So, I love to read books..

I love to be in jeans and tops.. That will be my favourite dress and ever.. You know what? I preferred half pants too :D But of course, it's depends on, er.. Whatever..

You know I prefer to be alone, maybe I get use to with this! Actually I like silence.. Just say, if I have a boyfriend, I want him to be quiet or keep talking without expecting any response from me.. Of course I love to listen, er it's nice to listen from my loved one.. But basicly, I TALK ALOT! Trust me...

Everyone thinks that I am strict and er, kinda serious person! Well, that's the total tricked! Actually I can make anyone turn freak out! I am such a witty.. ( most of the time I don't agree that I am the one but I know that's me )

Ahh, yes I love to type anything in Times and put in Italic, once I complete my stuffs I will changed to whatever it' has to be.. :)

I am not complicated if you have guts to smile at me..

by,
A girl found herself in you :)